Understanding Feelings & Emotions: Childhood Anxiety and Anger

Signs of Anxiety and Anger in Children and Parenting Tips to Help.

Anxiety & Worry

Anxiety is our body's natural response to stress, and just like adults, children experience these feelings. It is common for children to feel worried in certain situations like leaving a parent to go to school, worrying about friends or schoolwork. Some children experience anxiety more intensely or frequently than other children. Like many big emotions, children can find it difficult to identify anxiety and how it presents can vary.

What are the signs and symptoms of anxiety in children?

avoiding situations that make them uncomfortable
emotional outbursts, tantrums and meltdowns
physical symptoms such as stomach aches
seeking reassurance often
being preoccupied or unable to concentrate

What can you do to help?

It's important to remember that helping your child avoid situations they find challenging can lead to reinforcing their anxiety. Try not to dismiss or trivialise what your child is anxious about. Your role is to help them express, tolerate and manage the emotions.

Encourage your child to talk about their feelings and let you know when they get overwhelmed. It might help to explain these feelings are common - we all feel worried or scared sometimes. Consider setting time to specifically talk about their worries. Creating a 'Worry Jar' is a lovely concept to unpack their feelings and then give them an opportunity to 'put them away'.

Encourage positive thinking and giving new things a try. Reinforce this by praising your child when they've done something they were worried about. Making a plan together for coping with anxious feelings in the future may help them feel more equipped.

If the anxious feelings don't go away, seem more intense or frequent, or are significantly interfering with everyday life, it may be worthwhile seeking professional support.

Anger & Frustration

It is not unusual for young children to experience tantrums, have emotional outbursts, be irrational, bad-tempered and generally cranky! While it is common for children to experience these emotions more frequently (and intensely) than adults, it doesn't make it easy to deal with.

Anger can also mask other emotions. It is often a sign of frustration, distress or even sadness; the challenging part is identifying the source. Anger can manifest itself in different ways for different children, some may experience it only at home, some may be sullen, some may have reactions in public.

How do you know when the anger your child is experiencing is beyond developmental norms?

If your child experiences explosive behaviour a lot, it could be a sign of a problem. As a child matures, meltdowns should decrease. Children older than eight are typically able to better regulate their emotions.

It might be time to seek professional support if angry outbursts are making life at home consistently difficult, preventing your child maintaining friendships, or if your child becomes a danger to themselves or others.

What can you do to help your child manage feelings of anger?

When a child is in their angry mode, the emotional part of their brain is in control. They are unable to respond with the rational part of their brain. Now is not the time to teach or lecture.

Your response, (difficult as it is), is to keep calm and use a neutral tone to diffuse the emotion. It's important to validate your child's emotions, offer them reassurance and to an emotionally safe environment where they feel comfortable expressing themselves.

Strategies such as distractions, breathing techniques, or finding healthy ways to blow off some steam, such as bursts of exercise, can help. If a child physically lashes out, you should of course remove them from the situation and remind them that it's not ok to hurt others (or themselves) regardless of how you feel. When your child is calmer, then you address the underlying issues.

If you feel your child's anger is becoming more frequent, intense or is interfering with everyday life, it may be worthwhile seeking professional support.

Sadness & Depression

It's very normal for kids to feel down, act grumpy or be more emotional than usual now and then. But if your child seems glum or teary weeks or longer, or if there are other changes in your child's behaviour, there could be more going on, such as an extended low mood or depression.

How can you tell if your child experiencing ongoing low mood or depression?

Seeming lonely, moody or crying more easily than usual.
Negative self-talk, or saying "I'm bad at everything" or "I don't have any friends".
Lacking energy, motivation and engagegment in activities.
Not enjoying activities or seems unable to have fun.
Sleep and eating changes, complaining of pain or stomach aches.

What can you do to support your child with ongoing sadness?

Sometimes kids might not even know why they're feeling so down or why everything feels like such a struggle. It's important to let them know you're tuned in to what they're going through and that you're there to lend a hand. Just being there to listen, offer comfort, and show them some love can make a huge difference.

Spending quality time together doing things you both enjoy, or with the family, is a great way to boost those positive vibes. Whether it's going for a walk outside, playing a board game, cooking together, or watching a movie, these shared experiences can help strengthen your bond and lift some of the heaviness that comes with sadness and depression.

If your child's sadness has been consistent for a few weeks, or longer, it's important to seek professional help.